Midnight in love

   “So… you actually like me.”

   “Wasn't it obvious?”, she replied perplexed. He felt the urge to caress her red cheek, although the fear of ruining her irreal beauty dismissed that need. Instead, he just answered. “Maybe. I was too busy liking you to notice.”

   “Flash-back of you liking all my pictures from Facebook”, she said winking.

   He couldn't help but horselaugh, his arms holding on to his belly as if the laughter could tear him apart. She immediately joined him, and soon they were nothing but a pair of young lovers hugging and laughing under the moon.

On how to fully understand love

  Love is the purest of the feelings. It gives and never asks for anything in return, yet it makes us feel complete although we are the ones giving.

  I have always had that clear in my mind, but today I've had an epiphany: "I love you more than I love him/her" does not exist. Let me explain this carefully.

  If we talk about true love, I must make clear that it is different for everyone. I don't love my mother the same way I love my sister or my friends, but that does not mean I love one more or less than the other. I love them differently, just like they love me back in their own way, and when it comes to truly loving, there is no limit on the amount of people you can feel that towards.

  I have to confess I felt a bit sad a few days ago. I wrongly thought my father had a deeper connection with my brother, which made him love his son more than his daughter –me. But coming to this conclution, I now know he loves us with all his heart, and shares some things with my brother and some others with me.

  Understanding how love actually works has erased the emptiness I carried, my heart feels lighter and happier and I can finally say goodbye to jealousy, because that doesn't exist in true love's world.

De sueños y cobardía

   Escribimos sobre lo que soñamos y soñamos con lo que nos falta, porque lo que no nos falta lo disfrutamos. ¿Quién querría imaginar y plasmar en un trozo de papel el abrazo de un ser amado si esa misma criatura existiese a dos metros de él? ¿Quién inventaría aventuras en lugar de vivirlas en sus carnes? Sólo los cobardes y los locos enamorados de ciertas ideas lo harían. ¿Para qué querríamos soñar nimiedades, pudiendo elegir cosas que sólo somos capaces de hacer cuando cerramos los ojos? Los cobardes sueñan con ser valientes, los introvertidos son famosos y admirados por miles de personas dentro de sus cabezas.

   Soñamos con lo que no tenemos y a menudo nos falta lo que somos demasiado cobardes como para conseguir. Por eso yo soy escritora, cobarde y loca enamorada.

Lonely love life

I am currently living that feared moment when everyone else around you has this special someone and you're as alone as it gets. Your friends try to make it less awkward when you hang out together with their couples and stuff, but those flying hearts really don't help. And you're happy that everyone is in love and smiling, but you also hate Cupid for not letting you into the fun.

There are these concerned people who ask you "Why don't you just get a boyfriend?". Well, magic didn't exist last time I checked and it is NOT that easy. What does the world expect from me? Am I supposed to just get on the streets telling people that I'm looking for my soulmate and asking them if they're it?

Love, elusive little shit.

Probably the worst part of this is that you cannot talk about it with anyone else. The people I could talk to about it have that someone, so it's easy for them to tell you to go out and fall in love or even worse, to calm you down with this hateful sentence: "You'll find someone, don't worry."

No one predicts the future, so when people say that I get angry. How dare you? I'm feeling alone and all you can tell me is that I will find someone. When? Where? How the hell do you know that? I might as well die tomorrow and you wouldn't be able to predict that, because no one can predict the future, so… why would you just insult me with that lie, underestimate my pain and dismiss it like that?

That's what I'm feeling right now. And I know things get better, I just don't know how much more loneliness I can take. All I need is someone to tell me the right words, which I don't know myself.

After.

I feel free.

I did something I didn't dare to do, I fought against my fears –even if they sounded silly– and won. My value spreads beyond my long, beautiful locks of hair and now that I've lost them, I know.

Short hair feels fresh, comfortable, new. My friends need a bit longer to recognize me, maybe because I radically cut my hair or maybe because my new, big smile blinds them out. Maybe both.

The thing is, it feels good. I am happy I was scared, because now I know I am also brave. If I want something, I'll fight for it against myself if necessary, and the reward... happiness :)

Before.

I am terrified.

It may sound silly, but I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. And by that I mean I'm gonna lose 90% of it, as it's really long and annoying to wash, brush and wear… but it's my hair.

I honestly think this new hairstyle could look even better on me than my actual one, so the fear is probably based on the way I think. It feels like my long locks make me feminine, beautiful, whereas they hide my face and annoy me almost every day. I'm scared to get such a dramatic change, although that does not mean I don't want it. It just means I'll have to be brave to get it.

I'll work on my feelings from now on, then. And if short hair ends up not being my thing, it grows back!

…right?

Easy to say, hard to do

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

Courage and cowardice, two sides of the same coin. Nobody is only coward or brave, all of us are mixtures of both. Some people are braver, some are more coward, and I had always thought I was in the second group until I realized: you can't be brave if you are not scared.

I'm one of those people who have this terrible fear of being or doing anything wrong. It is really hard for me to accept failure, so the easiest thing is to just not do a thing. There could be no wrongs or rights if I didn't try, but there would be nothing brave about it –nor funny.

A big part of life is about taking risks, and being brave is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has given me cats, it has taken away the fear of running into animals (dogs more likely) to let me appreciate how beautiful and cute this little friends are. It has taught me that great jokes can come from ignorance. And all that is almost nothing compared to this last thing: being brave has made me realize how much people can like me, even if I'm weird or awkward or clumsy sometimes.

Being brave has given me confidence. And that's why I highly recommend facing your fears.