Remembering my true essence

These times I've been way too far from my beloved ones. The love of my life, that miracle I can always rely my happiness on: reading.

First, I got over a very strong prejudice about anime. I didn't understand it, hence I hated it for no reason. One day I just forced myself to watch Death Note, and today I've cried my eyes out while discovering Code Geass' ending. Plus, anime has helped me meet amazing people that love it too.

Then, I got trapped into hundreds of movies and series I wanted to watch, so the inspiration always appeared during my few free minutes – which I used to write until my nails fell from my fingers (not literally, though).

If that's not enough, I also made new friends thanks to college, so my spare time is now non-existent. I seriously need a week or two to disconnect, write, read, swim on a lake and listen to nature. Zen stuff.

I must say, though, that I might not be as relaxed as I'd like but I don't really care because I have never been happier. And the fact that today I ran out of anime, movies and series I wanted to see got me in a negative way at first: I was bored. But then…

Suddenly, a tiny, shy voice whispered: “…what about reading?”

My eyes went to slowmotion and glanced over at the book that was standing on the table at my right. A little smile popped out as I took World War Z and started reading on the point I left it months ago.

Finally the passion's back.

Caterpillar, cocoon or butterfly?

"A man, if you would call him that, who God himself has turned his back upon!"

The Butterfly Circus

First of all, I want to make clear that I am agnostic. Despite this fact, that sentece caught my attention and left me overwhemed for almost a day.

I think we all have been on Will's spot at least once in our lives. I have experienced the anguish of wondering if I liked the person I was, and doubting the answer being "yes". Furthermore, a voice in my head sometimes just woke up to say "Who the hell are you?", and no one would respond because nobody knew. I found myself on situations where frustration was everything I could feel because I couldn't accept that I had limits. I wanted to be perfect and suffered whenever something proved I was not even close to the name of my blog.

I started to be happy as soon as I stopped. Instead of focusing my ambition on impossible goals, I went through four years of self-consciousness to discover the person I was living with everyday and the limits that person had, and when I was able to make that person me, I smiled honestly for the first time. I did not have to try to be perfect anymore because I already was it, with defects and all.

Imperfectly perfect.

That was the step between the caterpillar and the butterfly, I think. The cocoon were those four tough years, and today I'm a butterfly amongst hundreds of caterpillars unaware of their natures. That's why they see me as a praying mantis. They can't understand me because they haven't got to where I am yet.

Nowadays, I will just stick to three words full of feelings that I had the pleasure to hear during the video: "You are magnificent."

If everyone really knew this is true to almost all of us...