De sueños y cobardía

   Escribimos sobre lo que soñamos y soñamos con lo que nos falta, porque lo que no nos falta lo disfrutamos. ¿Quién querría imaginar y plasmar en un trozo de papel el abrazo de un ser amado si esa misma criatura existiese a dos metros de él? ¿Quién inventaría aventuras en lugar de vivirlas en sus carnes? Sólo los cobardes y los locos enamorados de ciertas ideas lo harían. ¿Para qué querríamos soñar nimiedades, pudiendo elegir cosas que sólo somos capaces de hacer cuando cerramos los ojos? Los cobardes sueñan con ser valientes, los introvertidos son famosos y admirados por miles de personas dentro de sus cabezas.

   Soñamos con lo que no tenemos y a menudo nos falta lo que somos demasiado cobardes como para conseguir. Por eso yo soy escritora, cobarde y loca enamorada.

Lonely love life

I am currently living that feared moment when everyone else around you has this special someone and you're as alone as it gets. Your friends try to make it less awkward when you hang out together with their couples and stuff, but those flying hearts really don't help. And you're happy that everyone is in love and smiling, but you also hate Cupid for not letting you into the fun.

There are these concerned people who ask you "Why don't you just get a boyfriend?". Well, magic didn't exist last time I checked and it is NOT that easy. What does the world expect from me? Am I supposed to just get on the streets telling people that I'm looking for my soulmate and asking them if they're it?

Love, elusive little shit.

Probably the worst part of this is that you cannot talk about it with anyone else. The people I could talk to about it have that someone, so it's easy for them to tell you to go out and fall in love or even worse, to calm you down with this hateful sentence: "You'll find someone, don't worry."

No one predicts the future, so when people say that I get angry. How dare you? I'm feeling alone and all you can tell me is that I will find someone. When? Where? How the hell do you know that? I might as well die tomorrow and you wouldn't be able to predict that, because no one can predict the future, so… why would you just insult me with that lie, underestimate my pain and dismiss it like that?

That's what I'm feeling right now. And I know things get better, I just don't know how much more loneliness I can take. All I need is someone to tell me the right words, which I don't know myself.

After.

I feel free.

I did something I didn't dare to do, I fought against my fears –even if they sounded silly– and won. My value spreads beyond my long, beautiful locks of hair and now that I've lost them, I know.

Short hair feels fresh, comfortable, new. My friends need a bit longer to recognize me, maybe because I radically cut my hair or maybe because my new, big smile blinds them out. Maybe both.

The thing is, it feels good. I am happy I was scared, because now I know I am also brave. If I want something, I'll fight for it against myself if necessary, and the reward... happiness :)

Before.

I am terrified.

It may sound silly, but I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. And by that I mean I'm gonna lose 90% of it, as it's really long and annoying to wash, brush and wear… but it's my hair.

I honestly think this new hairstyle could look even better on me than my actual one, so the fear is probably based on the way I think. It feels like my long locks make me feminine, beautiful, whereas they hide my face and annoy me almost every day. I'm scared to get such a dramatic change, although that does not mean I don't want it. It just means I'll have to be brave to get it.

I'll work on my feelings from now on, then. And if short hair ends up not being my thing, it grows back!

…right?