It's hard to believe you can feel this way until you do.

That feeling of being alone in a crowded room.

Of believing you're empty.

Of not caring even though you know you should.

Not being able to gather strength to do the simplest tasks.

Lacking motivation to do things you like(d).

Life becomes grey, no taste in food, no smells, no comfort in anything you see or touch. Smiling physically hurts when it's such an obvious lie.

And you're not even bottom, it can get worse. And you know what the cure is, but you can't have it. So you just let the current drown you. You'll care later. Now, all you need is to be sad.